Pathways Foundation

Role of Rites of Passage

The passage experience creates a liminal space - a deeply meaningful experience, an opportunity to grow and expand, a call to become what we truly are. This transition from boyhood is one of the first of a lifetime of transitions, the beginning of the path to mature manhood. The rite has specific psychological and social purposes:

~ To begin the task of differentiating from fathers - withdrawing any idealised projections

~ To help separate from the mother - boys need to get in touch with their own feminine aspects and reframe their relationship to their mother.

~ To demonstrate to the young that the older generations care for them

~ To explore their relationship to their bodies, nature and the planet

~ To expose them to the extremities of their emotions - get in touch with themselves and their own purpose and passion in life

~ To displace the introverted focus of the young on the self and the nuclear family towards the self as part of a community and responsible manhood

Values Pathways lives by

The three key values of the Pathways Foundation are : Respect, Responsibility and Awareness.

Respect for self, for others, for our process together, for parents, for other's rights and needs, for our community, for the environment, for the planet.

Responsibility for one's own thoughts, speech, actions. All program participants are encouraged to take full self responsibility. Taking full responsibility for one's actions is one of the key shifts required to move from child psychology to healthy adult psychology.

Awareness of self, others and the world around. Our processes provide opportunities to listen to others and to speak about oneself. There is space to become more aware of the natural environment, of one's needs, loves, passions .... and of those close to us in our family and community.

The Difference between Boy and Man Psychology

The shift from boy to healthy man psychology is not one that occurs naturally. The difference in the two are so fundamental that a significant event is required for this to happen in a timely fashion. Without such an event there is a risk that boy psychology will persist well into adult years.

Boy Psychology:
- Constantly seeks acknowledgment
- Power is for me
- I am the centre of the universe
- I will live forever
- I am ruled by my emotions
- I take no responsibility for my actions
- I want a mother

Healthy Man Psychology
- Has a mission
- Power is for sharing
- I am part of the universe
- I know I am mortal
- I can stand with my emotions
- I take full responsibility for my actions
- I seek relationships with the feminine

What happens if we don't provide Rites of Passage?

The consequences of ignoring Rites of Passage are all around us. They are inescapable. Sadly, many men and women, including some highly influential corporate, community and even world leaders still operate functionally, psychologically, as boys or girls rather than healthy adults.

How many people do you know that, despite being of adult years take no responsibility for their actions, have an insatiable thirst for acknowledgement, seek power for themselves, behave as if they are the centre of the universe and will live forever? Men who want a woman to mother him? Women who rely heavily on male approval, whose identity is driven by body image and who see other women as competition?

Growing older but not growing up is a recipe for personal unhappiness and global disharmony. The body of a child will inevitably grow into the body of an adult but potentially, a child can stay a child mentally forever.

At some deep level the child knows it must grow up but the path for doing this is hidden and seeking it negated by the comfort of staying with the known and fear of change. This internal dynamic creates frustration which is then added to the massive hormonally driven changes in body and mind during the teenage years..

The path to growing up is hidden because it is almost impossible to do it alone and ineffective if done without the guidance of elders. Not having a Rite of Passage can make finding ones place in the world challenging and confusing which can lead to low self esteem. Low self esteem in girls in particular can leave them vulnerable to eating disorders. It is estimated that one in five girls suffer form an eating disorder and that one in five of these are fatal.

If we do nothing teenagers will try to self initiate. Gangs are a way of doing this and there is a strong belief that much of the high risk behaviour of teenage boys is in fact their attempts at self initiation. Fast cars, binge drinking, fighting in the street and taking drugs are just a few examples of ways that boys try to prove their manliness. Unfortunately the results can be disastrous and have long term consequences.

Is it possible to create modern Rites of Passage?

A Rite of Passage is a marking of the passing of a particular phase of life. Their creation requires first a recognition of the old and new phase and then some way to symbolise and reinforce that change. Ideally the Rite of Passage is created by someone other than the person going through the change. Pathways to Manhood is a project that has been running since 1994 around Australia. An initiative of the 4th annual Australian and New Zealand Men’s Leadership Gathering it creates appropriate facilitated Rites of Passage for boys between 13 and 15 years of age. All boys attend with either their father or some other significant man in their life such as a grandfather or uncle. It is designed to assist the change from boy to healthy man.

Pathways facilitates growth by taking the boys and men to a bush camp and:
1) creating a sense of community
2) public acknowledgement of the boy by his father and/or other men
3) allowing boys to hear the stories of older men
4) modelling respect as a primary learning tool
5) challenging the boy to determine his own future, to be a positive, responsible member of his community and to live his life to its fullest potential
6) creating a community celebration upon the return of the young men.
7) setting up of an ongoing supportive environment (all men who attend are aware that they do so not only for the boy they come with but also for every other boy in attendance).

"A boy needs men-especially older men- to bless him, to honour him, to point out his mistakes and to raise his status." - Douglas Gillette

Rites of Passage ... the ultimate in preventive medicine?

Given that much of the health dollar is spent on dealing with the long term effects of addictive behaviours such as cigarettes and alcohol, it is reasonable to say that anything that decreases their use will improve the overall health of the community. An inspired man with a mission in life that is rewarding, a healthy relationship, family and a strong sense of belonging is much less likely to partake of self destructive behaviours. This man will have an interest in his long term health and an awareness that his future impacts upon those around him. Rites of Passage at appropriate times in his life will strengthen his connection with himself and his community.

The difference between a man with a vision who wants to make a positive mark on his world and one who is aimless with no hope for the future is immeasurable.

The aim of Pathways is to bring out the potential in young men and have them full of inspiration as they look to the future.

Boys to Men - excerpt by Fr. Richard Rohr

Pathways has no particular religious leaning or affiliation. Those working with boys and men, often religious men, recognise their needs and the place of rites of passage in making mature men ....

This has been excerpted from Fr. Rohr's article in a christian journal "Sojourners," May/June 1998, pgs 16-21. It is reproduced in abridged form without comment, other than to register pleasure that men in the churches are beginning to look seriously at the initiation of boys.

Ten Points.

1. Private discovery of meaning is not enough. There has to be some collectively agreed upon "sacred."
2. There must be a community that shares this meaning and that initiates with conviction and ongoing intent.
3. Initiation must be into something good and positive, not an ideology – against, in fear of, angry at, or needing to win over anybody else.
4. Ideally, there should be a somewhat long preparation and expectation for the young man. He must be prepared for this for at least a year by godfathers, fathers, uncles, grandfathers, significant others.
5. What makes ritual powerful and effective is that they have been done by our ancestors and can be tied up with our archetypal imagery of The Great, The Good, The Holy.
6. The ideal age is somewhere between 13 and 16, hopefully contiguous with church confirmation, bar mitzvah, or tribal circumcision.
7. During the ritual days it is central that an intimate connection happens between the boys and the older men. . . . Rights only follow from these relationships and responsibilities! They will know that your mythic universe is not serious if rights are cheaply given without accountability.
8. Neither father and mother, nor any of the initiators ask the boy's permission if he "wants" to do this. The ideal attitude is that it is expected and to be desired.
9. All initiation rites have a character of secretiveness, both to create necessary anxiety and interest beforehand, and to free from the impossibility of explaining everything afterward.
10.Finally, you can only give away what you have. If the fathers have not gone through significant spiritual passages themselves, they really have nothing to say to the young men.

"As for the essential messages, I have gleaned these from my crosscultural observations. Somehow, male initiation must communicate the following to the young man:

LIFE IS HARD
YOU ARE GOING TO DIE
YOU ARE NOT THAT IMPORTANT
YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL
YOUR LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU"

What are Rites of Passage?

The Encyclopedia of Religion, edited by anthropologist Mircea Eliade, defines rites of passage as follows:

Rites of passage are a category of rituals that mark the passage of a person through the life cycle, from one stage to another over time, from one role or social position to another, integrating the human and cultural experiences with biological destiny: birth, reproduction, and death. These ceremonies make the basic distinctions, observed in all groups, between young and old, male and female, living and dead.

Christina Grof ( 1996. Crossroads, The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage, Open Court, Illinois. P5)

Background to Rites of Passage

The definition of Rites of Passage above, may engage us in an intellectual way, but how do we embody and grasp the full significance of these times of transition? In Western society the practice and meaning of formal sanctioned Rites of Passage has all but disappeared. Young people stumble and fall and wander around in a grey area of not knowing how to respond to a deep psychic calling. This calling is pervasive and persists throughout adolescence and beyond. It is like gnawing sensations in the gut that lives in emptiness and hungers for the unknown, adventure, daring, and will not go away. In traditional cultures and pre industrial age times, older men and women with experience, knowledge, and particularly wisdom, would sit with the young people of the community and listen to them and talk to them of the stories of their lives. In essence the youth would be guided and mentored through their tumultuous teenage years, experiencing the challenges of daring and risk sanctioned by the elders of the community. Today, in the absence of wise elders, young people are largely left to their own devices to satisfy their insatiable hunger for belonging and to be respected. How do young people in our world mark their journey from childhood to the status of teenager and then to a state of adulthood? Is this being done in a healthy and supportive way? Are these young people undergoing some sort of initiation, and how are they being honoured for enduring this trial? And by whom? Why bother about Rites of Passage?

If we look at what is currently going on in our communities, the escalating problems with young males are clearly evident. These manifest in below standard school performance, violence, inability to connect well with others, isolation, addictions, poor relationship management, work disenchantment, gang related crimes and suicide.

Underpinning these symptoms is the need to belong, low self-esteem, and the drive to become a man and have adult respect. In the absence of sanctioned processes of transition, and effective role models to acknowledge and support a young man’s journey, these males seek out their own initiations through dangerous and risky behaviour. The other option open to them is to become spiritless and collapse their being into a state of compliance. In this way they do not grow into responsible and respectful men with a strong sense of self. Those that survive the turbulence of the hazardous trials, grow into men who exhibit strong tendencies towards aggression, intolerance, and prejudice. Either way, the true soul of the male spirit is dead in these men.

By male spirit, I mean men who embody responsibility, respect, authenticity, caring, compassion, understanding, strength of purpose, loyalty, social and environmental consciousness, and a willingness to protect family and community.

The Need

Boys everywhere have a need for rituals
Marking their passage to manhood.
If society does not provide them
They will inevitably invent their own.

Joseph Campbell (Pinnock, D. 1997. Gangs, rituals & rites of passage. African Sun Press, Cape Town.)

For young males, the driving force during the emotional turmoil of adolescence is the pressure to conform, perform and win respect. It is a time when they begin to experience the tension between independence and belonging. Identities are being formed in the emerging adult, boundaries of social groups and communities are making their demands on these boys. The move to separate from parental control begins to intensify. With the current lack of understanding of the mythical proportions of these changes taking place within a young man, society tends to increase it's drive to control or suppress the emergent energy surfacing in that youngster. This is evident in our school systems, justice systems, and family and community relationships. The trend has been to favour punitive and restrictive initiatives of social control.

Allan Rudner (BSc, MA Cultural Psychology) is Co-founder of the "Conversations with Men" initiative and the founder of the Odyssey Men's Group Network. Allan is a Trustee and Senior Facilitator with the Pathways Foundation.

Boys are the problem ... ??? Another way of looking.

With the focus of assigning blame for problems occurring in our society on the individual, there is little possibility to explore the depth of the issue. When we consider that it is the young man who has the problem, the inquiry becomes significantly limited. When we consider that it is not the youngster that is the problem but it is the problem that is the problem. This means that when we look at the environment, the socio political, and economic circumstance surrounding the individual, a different picture emerges. In this scenario we are able to clearly see the role that society plays in the occurrence of the problem and how that social structure has impacted on the individual and the event under question. The consequences and responses can then be evaluated based on the whole situation rather than being truncated and shifting the sole blame inappropriately to an individual. In essence a problem in our society or community is located in the society or community. Therefore the solution must also be located in that society or community. In this way the responsibility for the occurrence and the resolution is shared by the individual and by the community.

This approach requires a shift in the way we think. A fundamental change is to move from a punitive base to an affirming or restorative base. To affirm means that the task is to build up the youth with regard to self-esteem, meaning to his life, recognition by respected elders, and support through sanctioned rites of passage. In traditional cultures this way of life has existed throughout their history. In more recent years Western countries such as New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, and Canada, amongst others have been initiating restorative justice or "conferencing" approaches in the juvenile justice system. The successes of affirming and consequence related approaches with youth offenders and general young male populations are well documented. All the evidence points the way to the benefits of sanctioned Rites of Passage in our society.

Don Pinnock refers to Mircea Eliade's reports of initiation experiences in different cultures all over the world. Eliade 'mentions that initiation of boys begins with two events: the first is a clean break with the parents, after which the novice goes to the forest, desert or wilderness' (Pg 9) Pinnock goes on to emphasise the innate drive in young male teenagers to experience their trial by ordeal, 'wherever adolescents are, their need to test their mettle, to become heroes and to be accepted is paramount. For this reason elaborate rituals have developed around the heroic deed.'

Ritual can be understood as a conscious ceremonial marking in time of an event that usually has transforming properties associated with it. 'Ritual is so basic to our creation of society that to lose ritual is to lose the way'. (Pinnock pg13) Arnold Van Gennep, the French Anthropologist, developed the term 'rites of passage' in the early part of the 20th Century.
Transitions from group to group, from situation to situation and from age to age are implicit in the very fact of existence. Life, he says, is made up of a succession of phases: Rites of Separation (to detach the subject from their old status or condition), Rites of the Threshold (transitional rites or liminality) and Rites of Incorporation (coming together, sharing ritual object use). (Pg15)

Separation is often marked as a symbolic death. It is the end of a stage and the birth of a new stage in a person’s life.
Liminality is the moment or period of time where the individual belongs in neither world, not the world that he has come from nor the world he is moving towards. A useful metaphor is to hold up a ten or twenty-dollar bill and look at one surface face on. Then slowly rotate the note towards you. You will notice that the image on the front gradually becomes less discernible until all you can see is the thin edge of the bill as it faces the ground. The back surface of the bill is not yet visible. Only as the rotation continues can we eventually view the other surface. If we understand the liminal stage to be like the edge of the dollar bill, then we can understand some of the experience of living in that space. It is virtually like walking a tightrope where the usual rules of life are suspended. It is a compelling and fearful stage. Incorporation marks the coming back into community in a new and more responsible way. All members of a community participate in the re-entry into community and are called upon to shift their own perspectives of the initiate.
In many tribal cultures, it was said that if the boys were not initiated into manhood, if they were not shaped by the skills and love of elders, then they would destroy the culture. If the fires that innately burn inside youths are not intentionally and lovingly added to the hearth of community, they will burn down the structures of culture, just to feel the warmth…But the most certain signals for lighting the fires of destruction are sent when the old people of a group lose their memories, consume like youths, and neglect the rites of grieving and burial. (Meade, Michael. 1993. Men and the Water of Life…Initiation and the Tempering of Men. Harper San Francisco USA) Our youth depend on the intervention and guidance of the elders in the community. Meade talks of the 'courage and compassion that nourish the elders, who alone can remember the essential role of beauty in life'. From the ranks of the wise and compassionate elders emerge the mentors, who accompany the youths on their journey.

Allan Rudner (BSc, MA Cultural Psychology) is Co-founder of the "Conversations with Men" initiative and the founder of the Odyssey Men’s Group Network. Allan is also a Trustee and Senior Facilitator with the Pathways Foundation.

Indigenous communities and Rites of Passage

It was recognised that the stages of life often meant great changes in the psyche of the individual and the marking of these points of change with a ritual or ceremony was in order to facilitate this. Birth, marriage and death were obvious times but there were many others that we now ignore in modern Western society. Initiation of boys was performed throughout the world and of all the Rites of Passage this was the one that often took the most effort and energy. It was recognised that the future of the community depended upon having healthy men as opposed to overgrown boys. The shift from boy to man was seen as being so fundamentally important that the boys were removed from the rest of the community and taken away not to return until they were on the pathway to manhood.